From a poetry forum, deep but quite powerful

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From a poetry forum, deep but quite powerful

Postby eric144 » Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:49 am

The illusion of motion


The calm before the fear
The sigh before the kiss
The sign before the change
The warm front before the cold
The cloud before the blue sky
The flash before the fury and
The love of money

All that has gone before is gone and
here is an open field and there a few clouds and
the sun is no closer than before

How can that be ?

The stillness of now has taken
the rush of life,
has replaced the wild and headlong and carefree downhill

race of eagerness of need of desire with
a bewildered
upward leaning
but static
pose

Even the breeze that was, is a vacuum here

The silence of the past that was
but isn't now
is all there is.

Under the ground

Sealed.
Last edited by eric144 on Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: From a poetry forum, deep but quite powerful

Postby eric144 » Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:50 am

I interpret that as about getting old and realising one's mortality
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Re: From a poetry forum, deep but quite powerful

Postby chimaera » Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:54 am

It really is quite haunting. On first reading, I thought it was about death. Now, I am not so sure - it's quite deep.
Things are never so bad that they can't get worse.
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Re: From a poetry forum, deep but quite powerful

Postby eric144 » Mon Feb 11, 2008 9:00 am

Yes, all the stuuf about the past being gone and the vacuum and under the ground seems like death.

I must admit I like poems or films or whatever to mean something fairly specific. I like this because it all moves in one (negative) direction.
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Re: From a poetry forum, deep but quite powerful

Postby chimaera » Mon Feb 11, 2008 1:43 pm

This has been on my mind all morning...
It is a death, I think. Perhaps the death of a love? A love of what, I don't know!
Things are never so bad that they can't get worse.
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Re: From a poetry forum, deep but quite powerful

Postby karmaera » Mon Feb 11, 2008 4:03 pm

Death of many things...

Youth
Dreams
Self Realization
Purpose

One standing at the middle point of life, perhaps
Looking back at where dreams and hopes filled the sails. The sails hang limply now, and one is no closer to the destination.

It's quite poignant and well written.
Who wrote it Eric?

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Re: From a poetry forum, deep but quite powerful

Postby eric144 » Mon Feb 11, 2008 4:11 pm

karmaera wrote:Death of many things...

Youth
Dreams
Self Realization
Purpose

One standing at the middle point of life, perhaps
Looking back at where dreams and hopes filled the sails. The sails hang limply now, and one is no closer to the destination.

It's quite poignant and well written.
Who wrote it Eric?

Karmaera


Because your critique is actually better than mine I will admit it was me at six o'clock this morning !!! Yes you got the idea exactly which is genuinely more impressive than the poem itself. My analysis earlier was deliberately vague.


I had a look a few minutes ago and it now looks like this.
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Re: From a poetry forum, deep but quite powerful

Postby eric144 » Mon Feb 11, 2008 4:14 pm

The fulfilment of entropy


The calm before the fear
The sigh before the kiss
The sign before the change
The warm front before the cold
The cloud before the sky

The flash before the bang and

All that has gone before is gone and
here is an open field and there a few clouds and
the sun is no closer than before

How can that be ?

The stillness of now has taken
the rush of life,
has replaced the wild and headlong and carefree downhill

race of eagerness, of need, of desire with
a (bewildered )
upward leaning
but static
pose

Even the breeze that was is a vacuum here.

The silence of the past that was
but isn't now
is all there is.

Sealed
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Re: From a poetry forum, deep but quite powerful

Postby eric144 » Mon Feb 11, 2008 4:30 pm

Sorry for playing a trick on everyone but I saw the other poem posted by clicking on 'new posts' and I had just finished typing it in. I didn't want to admit to it to be honest. I only said 'deep but quite powerful' to justify me putting it up.
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Re: From a poetry forum, deep but quite powerful

Postby karmaera » Mon Feb 11, 2008 6:58 pm

Eric...

You write well and feel deep. That is a beautiful thing. Especially when it bridges a moment, an experience for others.

It caught me as I too am standing in a place where the sun seems no closer.

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Re: From a poetry forum, deep but quite powerful

Postby eric144 » Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:55 pm

Thanks karmaera (seems like a very appropriate name and could easily be a brilliant title for the poem)

Sorry you are in a difficult place but those are the ones that lead to release from what holds us back.

There are two ways of looking at the poem.

Firstly a life which has fallen apart and the despair of the nothingness remaining, the sails empty, warmth as far away as ever.

Secondly a spiritual stripping away of external forms leading as you said to self realisation. We hope that we get there by effort but usually it is forced on us by circumstance that we have to contemplate alone, in stillness.

best wishes

Eric
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Re: From a poetry forum, deep but quite powerful

Postby karmaera » Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:45 am

Sometimes, just sometimes, one stumbles along guided only by the intrinsically felt magnetism of something beyond. Steered not by the sun, but wordless questions needing answers that are as yet, undefined.

Good poetry stirs a human on levels that are beyond ideas, form and concepts.
You have that power in your writing, Eric.
It's very well received.
Thank you.

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