How to deal with a lose ....Grieving?

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How to deal with a lose ....Grieving?

Postby Tripz » Mon May 12, 2008 11:54 am

Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has a physical, cognitive, behavioral, social and philosophical dimensions. ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grieving

Death of a parent
As a child, the death of a parent, without support to manage the effect of the grief, may result in long term psychological harm. Therefore, it is important that the emotions the child feels are worked through completely and discussed openly. While as an adult, one may be expected to cope with the death of a parent in a less emotional way, it can still bring about extremely powerful emotions. This is especially true when the death occurs at important or difficult times in life, such as becoming a parent as well, graduation or at a time of emotional stress. It is important to recognize the effects that the loss of a parent can cause and address these. As an adult, the willingness to be open to grief is often diminished and a failure to accept and deal with loss will only result in further pain and suffering.

How and what did you do to overcome the grieving process?
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Re: How to deal with a lose ....Grieving?

Postby chimaera » Mon May 12, 2008 11:57 am

Tripz: Still going through the grieving process, so I cannot answer that one at present. However, would be interested in reading the view of others.
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Re: How to deal with a lose ....Grieving?

Postby Snowleopard » Tue May 13, 2008 7:24 pm

Grief can be like the ocean, it swells up and is stormy and then dies down to choppy waters and then calm for a while. At times it can overwhelm you and seem impossible to get through, but it ebbs eventually. The loss can seem more acute in times of personal troubles when you miss the support of your loved one and in good times when you wish you could share your happiness. The saddness is always there, tucked away in a little corner and can find its way out at such unexpected times. Grief is powerful and drains you physically and mentally. If anybody is feeling such rawness, I feel for you. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Someday in the future you will find it does not hurt quite as much as it did in the beginning. Memories will be fuzzy round the edges and try not to examine things in your mind too clearly. Let the bad memories fade for now and just concentrate on caring for yourself for the moment, as you can look at the past again at another time in the future, when it will not hurt as much.
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Re: How to deal with a lose ....Grieving?

Postby chimaera » Tue May 13, 2008 7:37 pm

Many thanks, snowleopard. You will never know just how timely your post is - and pertinent. I have printed it off and will keep it for when I feel the seed for support. Hard to explain...
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Re: How to deal with a lose ....Grieving?

Postby librarising » Tue May 13, 2008 8:40 pm

Grief changes you. It doesn't altogether go away, and probably you don't really want it to, but it subsides and after that you will be a different person. Better I think, if only because 'sadder and wiser', but maybe more than that.

When you're in grief it comes out in strange unexpected ways and unless you know yourself really well you won't know it's grief that's making you do stuff. If someone tells you you're behaving oddly don't fight the insight that it's your loss causing it; that's a good learning process.

You are very likely to feel guilty. That's because when someone is there they are, however much you love them, a mixture of permanently loveable things and temporarily irritating ones, and you react to all of that together and it tempers your love. When they're gone the irritation goes with them but the loveable things stay with you, making you feel you didn't love them enough, or express it right, and perhaps that you love them more now. But you did love them right, you just had to had to live with them too.

You will feel better, and you won't have to let go of your sense of loss to do it.
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Re: How to deal with a lose ....Grieving?

Postby chimaera » Tue May 13, 2008 8:42 pm

And what about the anger that grief causes? And the depression? How is that dealt with? So many questions...
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Re: How to deal with a lose ....Grieving?

Postby librarising » Tue May 13, 2008 9:39 pm

Why am I angry, what am I angry at? Who or what is really to blame? Sometimes reasoning like that can help you channel it at least.

Depression is an illness, it can and should be treated. It produces a vicious circle; medication breaks the circle and helps you out of it. Depression is like a big lie, it tells you that life is bad but it isn't, it's glorious and we only know a tiny bit of how glorious. People who find a way back from disaster aren't stupid, they're holding on to life and it does guide you right even when you feel bitter and negative about it.
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Re: How to deal with a lose ....Grieving?

Postby bugalugs1970 » Tue May 13, 2008 9:52 pm

Grieving stays with you, you learn to cope and manage it. I know now that certain things will trigger my grief, and still after 10 years a certain record or smell will trigger it. Grief changes you, it changes your outlook, puts things in perspective. My loss has made me a stronger person, a better person, that to me is xxxxx's legacy. Out of something bad comes something good.....always. The pain and heartbreak never goes you just learn to live with it.
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Re: How to deal with a lose ....Grieving?

Postby chimaera » Tue May 13, 2008 10:00 pm

Right; not sure if I can explain this, but here goes.

A death caused sadness. Prior to the death, but separate to it, there was much anger which caused depression. The depression was treated. Then the cause of the anger returned at the same time as the death. Result? A deeper depression.

Does anybody understand what I am saying? Is the depression intensified by the death, or is it a result of it recurring because of the cause of the anger coming back?

Think I need bed...
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Re: How to deal with a lose ....Grieving?

Postby bugalugs1970 » Tue May 13, 2008 10:09 pm

i suffered deep depression after my loss, i was angry & guilty. I sought help and had talk therapy and anti depressants for some time, sometimes that anger & guilt still comes back but thanks to the talk therapy i can now understand why i feel angry & guilty and i work through it without going back into depression. I was told my depression was brought on by the immense emotions and the inability to cope with them.

I would suspect your returned depression was deepened by the loss and return of anger, i know exactly what you are trying to say just can't find right words..sorry.
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Re: How to deal with a lose ....Grieving?

Postby MoeSzyslak » Tue May 13, 2008 10:16 pm

chimaera wrote:Right; not sure if I can explain this, but here goes.

A death caused sadness. Prior to the death, but separate to it, there was much anger which caused depression. The depression was treated. Then the cause of the anger returned at the same time as the death. Result? A deeper depression.

Does anybody understand what I am saying? Is the depression intensified by the death, or is it a result of it recurring because of the cause of the anger coming back?

Think I need bed...

Probably both, chim. I am still grieving for my mother, and she died several years ago. Wish I could help you.
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Re: How to deal with a lose ....Grieving?

Postby chimaera » Tue May 13, 2008 10:17 pm

Thanks, folks. I may take this up with you again tomorrow pm. Maybe in the ChatRoom? Off to try and sleep now. Night, all.
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Re: How to deal with a lose ....Grieving?

Postby Plath » Wed May 28, 2008 9:09 pm

It is almost 7 years since my Dad died, and I am still grieving. Differently than in the beginning, but still grieving. His death did all sorts to me. Strange behaviour - was not myself at all. It hurt like hell. And boy, was I angry - at DEATH ITSELF. Was asking why there had to be death. Could not come to terms with it at all. Shouted and screamed inside of me at death. Wanted to know where he was and woke in the night crying and screaming for him - or rather, to know where he was.

I am not like that now, but still at certain stimuli the crying can come, and the pain return. Yes, it has changed me. Don't know whether it is for the worse or the better.

I feel for anybody who is going through this.
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Re: How to deal with a lose ....Grieving?

Postby Snowleopard » Thu May 29, 2008 9:55 pm

Grief and anger are two very powerful emotions that churn us up and sends our minds into a twirl. Our thoughts continuously flit around like lightening and it is very tiring. If you have been depressed before and then suffer the loss of someone and perhaps have feelings of anger then this can make you feel depressed again. You fear going back to that horrible place that you have been once before. You recognise the signs that you may be getting depressed and you don't want it to happen again. This turmoil of trying to put a brave face or a front on so that other people do not see you upset or 'weak' is extremely tiring and draining. You just want things to go back to the way they were before and hate feeling like that.

I believe that everyone goes through a crisis point in their lives and sometimes a person will needs help and support. Help may also be needed from someone who can shoulder some of the responsibilites until the person feels a little stronger. It is better to be on a even keel, not get too high, not too low. Even elation can be a hard emotion to deal with if they have been depressed. Learning how to deal with emotions can be done and finding an inner contentment and peace is vital for good mental health.
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Re: How to deal with a lose ....Grieving?

Postby saxoblue » Thu May 29, 2008 10:08 pm

any advice on how to be supportive to someone who is grieving ?

a elderly mother losing her 40 year old son grieving but not the natural order of things
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