Gerry Blogs and Newspapers Reports!

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Gerry Blogs and Newspapers Reports!

Postby CaboFrio » Tue Apr 29, 2008 9:02 am

We are off to Agua Dulce this afternoon for a long weekend. I've promised Mrs Frio a double Pina Colada if she spots just one 'McCann' poster anywhere in the vicinity; I think she may well end up with just a warm Coke!

For all the people who PM'd me about Gerry's Blogs, here a few bits and pieces to read whilst we are away. For everyone in the UK, do a great Bank Holiday weekend; for our overseas members - GET BACK TO WORK! :lol:

Day 210

Today there was a meeting between the UK and Portuguese 'police', a term I use loosely and forensic specialists from both countries. We have been told that all the forensic test results are now available, which is a bit of a bugger after all the time and effort we have made to try and distract them. Kath and I are very hopeful that there were enough people tramping about the apartment and driving around in the Scenic to have f*cked everything up.

With any luck we should come out again smelling of roses. As we have stated all along, with tongue in cheek, we are confident that the results will no way incriminate us and hopefully everyone can concentrate on finding Magdalena and her abductor.

Given some of the unhelpful comments recently about the media's (or as we call them Clarrie's Lapdogs) role in helping find missing children I would like to quote Ernie Alison. Ernie, you remember use to drive a milk float in West Derby a few years ago; Benny Hill wrote a song about him. Ernie has been president of the National Center for Naughty and Misbehaving Children for the last 25 years. 'We just have to continue to do everything possible to find that one, key piece of evidence, and then follow it to Magdalena, (I've been promised two free weeks in Pria de Luz if I pull it of). There is no more likely source of that information than some average, caring, alert citizen, with very little education and no university degree, what you might call working class, some Johnny foreigner, informed and motivated by a photo, one million pounds or intense media coverage of a missing child.'

With this in mind, Magdalena's fund has started the £8.00 advertising campaign in Southern Spain which will also target the Ragheads in North Africa and not so bright people of Portugal. The fund is also contributing £5.00 per month to support the private investigation (fingers crossed that they don't come up with anything). We appeal to anyone who may have information to call confidentially our hotline number +34.9052.3070.291300.78560.6547. (£1.50 per minute from BT landline, other tariffs my vary), e-mail or contact the police, that's if they are not too busy.

Day 216 - 05/12/2007

Yesterday evening Kath, Steve, Amy and myself attended a mess for Magdalena. It was organised by ex-colleagues of Kath's aunt's, sister-in-law's, cousin's milkman who work's at the East Midlands Xpress Creamery, and took place in a small intimate office just off the main milking shed and was attended by 20 people including two local priests and 208 Friesians. Steve and Amy were very vocal, asking had we ordered the Nintendo Wii, XBox, the clothes from GAP and demonstrating how much they know about Christmas and 'baby Jesus' which brought a smile to everyone's face, God forbid they ever have to hear about other religions and cultures! The little presents and chocolates they were given got thrown straight in the bin outside, Steve said they reminded him of the sort of things children would be given who live on council estates! That's my Boy!

Tomorrow my mum and aunt are coming to visit for a few days. Kath's in a right mood. I think the main problem is the language difficulty. It's just a tirade of 'de do do, don't dey' and 'ach, dech ma no mor', it would be easier if they both spoke in English. Simon and Ann Marie are very excited, as they have not seen their 'granny' for over a month (Kath said, under her breath, she wished it was over her dead body). They do of course miss Magdalena very much, but once they make a start at Foremarke Hall (for those of you who never attended university, it's the Prep school for Repton), I'm sure they will have much more important things to think about. All of our family are still praying and hoping for her safe return, hopefully, not before we break through the two million pound barrier.

Day 250 - 08/01/2008

We are one week in to the New Year and we can definitely say the holiday period is still continuing with lots of booze still flowing, that's one of the reasons I've still not managed to make it to work! No sweat though, Dougie and the guys at The Glen have told all the Media folk that I am back full-time; what's that phrase about fooling all of the people all of the time? Some of the media coverage today has been at its worst since Kath and I were declared arguidos by that 'scum' over in Portugal, and to think I believed them when they said that in no way was I considered a suspect in the case, I must have been naive at the very least!

We can categorically confirm that we are considering a movie about Magdalena's disappearance. This is true. We have been approached by a huge number of media outlets regarding a myriad of projects, all of which we agreed to. Each proposal is considered on whether it is likely to have a positive effect, either directly or indirectly on the search for Magdalena and whether it will help the Fund to break through the two million barrier.

As stated today by our 'no comment' spokesman, Clarence (The Cross-Eyed Lion, as Kath calls him), there was a preliminary discussion between a production agency to produce a documentary about the issues we have faced since Magdalena was kille whoops, I mean abducted. There could be the possibility of Billie Piper playing the role of Kath and Clive Owen to depict me; don't know if I'm really happy about that. I'm not sure that Owen has my manly good looks, plus his performance Gosford Park did leave a lot to be desired.

Clearly Europe, by that I mean Portugal, is a long way behind the USA in terms of its response when a child goes missing, but at least on this side of the Pond girls don't marry their own brothers or speak with a dreadful accent, Kath notwithstanding, of course.

Kate and I have opened all of the Christmas cards, only two had £20 pound notes inside, just how mean can people be. We would like to thank everyone who has helped cover our ars├®s over the last eight months. We could not have got through this ordeal on our own and without doubt, Magdalena needs all our help, and we need the money.

Day 257 - 15/01/2008

Kath and I were dismayed to learn today that a five-year-old girl has been missing from Hellava, in Southern Spain since Sunday evening, and as I write, still haven't got their web site up and running. I would have given them Callum's email address, but I know he's tied up at the moment with his A-level re-sits. He came up with the excuse that his revision time last summer was taken up posting wristbands and packing t-shirts; as far as I'm concerned it was his choice, I know for a fact he was desperate for the £2.00 per hour we paid him. And as for the web site, I can't even got on since he loaded that Quicktime movie on at Christmas, he thinks a codec is some sort of paracetamol!

As many of you who went to university know, Heulva is approximately a two hour drive from Praia da Luz and we went there in early August to dispose of , er sorry, to publicise Magdalena's disappearance. Hearing of the probable abduction of Harry Luz Contesa has brought many awful emotions flooding back, the wait whilst the Paypal account was set up, the transfer of money to the building society, conversion of overseas currencies into sterling, it was just a never ending nightmare. We hope and pray that Harry is quickly found and returned safely to his family, but, ideally not within the next six months.

Day 262 - 20/01/2008

Today we have released drawings of a man who needs to be eliminated from the investigation to find Magdalena. A witness, Gail Blooper, who Kath's uncle's, cousin's, boss's wife, says saw him on several occasions, whilst under the influence of lager and speed. She found the man, who claimed to be collecting for an orphanage, very intimidating, what an actress!. After interviewing Gail, our private investigators, aka The Circus, commissioned a forensic sketch by a FBI trained artist; FBI standing for Failed Book illustrator!. The man has many similarities in looks and clothing he was wearing to the guy who was taking the money on The Waltzers at Ashby Fair last October, Gail had a problem with him as regard to the change he gave her from a £20 note, so decided to set him up via Interpol. Click Here to see the cartoons.

The man Skinny Jane saw walking away from the apartments where we were staying was carrying a child, around 9.10pm on the night Magdalena was abducted, although by that time she had been on the lash for six hours. Jane described pyjamas matching those Magdalena was wearing without knowing what she had on that fateful night, cynics may say that was a coincidence, I put it down to the Jacob's Creek. We are convinced that this was when Magdalena was taken. Jane has been shown these sketches of the man. She feels he has a strong resemblance to the man she saw on May 3rd, carrying the child away; who know's, perhaps they also have travelling Fairs in Portugal!.

It is essential that he be traced, Gail says that he still owes her £10. We believe many people must know who this individual is, Ashby fair is always well attended, she said Market Street was full of people. We appeal to anyone who knows him, or may have seen him to contact our private investigators on C-L-O-W-N-S-34-902-300-3000-123-213 or If you are this man please make contact with the investigators or your local police, all we want is for Gail to get her £10 back All of this information has been passed on to the Portuguese police, all they said was stop wasting their time. British police and Interpol has been informed, but, as yet ,no reply. This man may have key information that will keep the police out of our hair for another few months.

Day 274: 01/02/2008

We have launched the new website layout today, Callum was OK during the initial start up, but compared to the site it looked like a kid from Year 7 had done it. I hope you all like it, but if you don't, then hard haggis; we are sure that anyone with a university degree will find it much easier to navigate, those living on council estates, no doubt, will still be struggling.

The website was always envisaged to bring in lots of cash, which, in certain respects it has, but nowhere near as much as we originally hoped for. But, being the main portal to the find Magdalena, we thought we better keep it open. If Magdalena remains missing and as the media attention drops then the website will be instrumental in keeping people up to date as to where to send their money. As you will see a lot of work has gone in to extensively revising the content. Our whole family have unfortunately learnt an awful lot about the problems of missing and exploited children, Phil was planning a world tour, but which she had to cancel on hearing that Greggs were running a two-for-one promotion during February.

Our priority will always be to search for Magdalena and whoever abducted her (ha, ha). However we hope to work in coalition with the many excellent organisations in Europe, but have decided to keep the Portuguese police out of the loop on the pretext that they couldn't find their own arseholes in the shower. The first goal will be to get an EU wide child alert system introduced with cooperation from all the relevant authorities and law enforcement agencies. We realise that this will be the Devil's own job; can you imagine a load of Frogs, Krauts, Spics and Degos trying to get anything organised - it'll be like knitting fog!

Steve and Amy turned three today. We hope and pray that they will never have another birthday without Magdalena here, although, they have been a little preoccupied with the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America, but, despite the circumstances they really enjoyed their birthday 'tea party'. I'm afraid to say that lots of their presents from the British 'public' will have to be returned, neither of them will touch Primark or Peacocks, The twins love seeing all their extended family. There is no doubt that Steve and Amy have made life for all of us a little more bearable over the last 9 months, well, that and the million quid!

Day 302 (doesn't time fly): 29/02/2008

It has been a relatively quiet week for us, well, as quite as it can be for people who are in deep shít. We did hear from the clean, trustworthy, very clean UK police that the smelly, dirty, dísgusting garlic-smelling French have officially ruled out the reported sighting of Magdalena in Montpellier. It is disappointing that it took so long, we need this misinformation to reach those degos down in Portugal much faster, particularly after the widespread coverage the reported sighting received in the media (we done, Andy McScab and Keith - keep those sighting coming!).

Today Kath and I met with representatives of two UK charities involved in missing and abducted children. They think they may get some of our Fund money; what was that song by Bucks Fizz - oh, yes 'Land Of Make-believe'. Missing People is the largest UK non-governmental, quasi, client led, mission statement focused organisation involved in this area and a member of Missing Children Europe (you know, those sort of kids with continual runny noses). The introduction of a Europe wide child alert system is strongly supported by both organisations, the only drawback being the involvement of Wops, Spics, Frogs and Eyeties. Missing People have also applied to run the 116 00 number (30p a minute from land lines, other rates and tariffs may vary), which has been reserved throughout the EU as a missing child hotline. Missing People were responsible for displaying Magdalena's image on Marble Arch, which caused multiple accidents to people who were approaching from the Edgware Road, trying to exit along Bayswater Road; along with two other missing children last summer. It was heartening to hear today that one of those children was recovered as a direct result and the other has also been successfully returned to his family in a casket.

PACT (Parents and Abducted Children Together, this does not include those creepy Uncle's that ask you to sit on their laps in exchange for a bag of sweets) is a much smaller organisation founded by Catherine Moneyspinner. PACT is positioned primarily as an advocates for change in how missing children cases are handled and identified very early how poorly data on missing and abducted children are collected (no, I don't know what she's going on about either).

PACT would like to see a national centre in the UK similar to NCMEC in the USA. It was uplifting to see how Catherine has maintained her passion, drive and commitment to try and make effective changes even after ten years of campaigning, considering the fact that not one child has ever been found. Kath and I will work with the various non-governmental quangos and organisations to influence the policy makers who decide these important decisions, such as keeping our ars├®'s out of a Portuguese prison.

DAY 316

Kath and I heard the totally stomach turning news today that Sharron Maffhews has been recovered safely from her mad Uncle Mick's house. We are delighted for her family and hope and pray that the small amount of cash in there fund goes towards lots of cheap cider and WKD. We hope Sharron has not suffered too much during the last 24 days, although to be away from "Chav Central" for a few days must be a blessing in itself.

Last Friday night in Dewsbury was one of the worst ever (notwithstanding Luz, admittedly). I thought I'd better show my face, just in case a film crew was around. Where do they buy all that counterfeit clothing from? I made the mistake of wearing my Abercrombie & Fitch polo shirt, only to find the whole estate with the same design. As a doctor I felt quite uneasy when the came to light the bonfire. All those Trakkie tops and bottoms were a disaster just waiting to happen; you could not move for man-made fibres.

Although the circumstances may be different, finding Sharron alive does give Kath and me renewed optimism. I am reminded of Ernie 'The Fastest Milkman In The West' Allen's (the President of NCMEC) words: 'until you know who has taken Magdalena and why, you cannot give up hope; now, get that website up and running quickly.' We do not know who has taken Magdalena or why, and there is certainly no indication that Magdalena has been seriously harmed, well, by no one outside the immediate family at least.

Of course we will not give up hope, the First Anniversary is fast approaching so we expect a massive influx to the Fund. Someone somewhere knows where Magdalena is; let's just hope they keep their mouths shut.

Day 321: 19/03/2008

I think everyone must have heard the news today that Express Newspapers have published front page apologies in big bold letters with coloured type and everything to Kath and me and agreed damages of £550,000.97 + VAT which will be paid in to the 'Keep Our Arses Out Of The Slammer' fund.

It gives much joy that we had to take such action, Clarry said not upset the Big Boys, but we went ahead regardless. We would rather have not had to put up with such distasteful, filthy, grotesque and blatantly untruthful coverage; it was just like being back in Portugal. Nevertheless we hope todays events will act as a springboard in advancing the Fund, which those Metonto dagos had bled almost dry. The money will be used to aid the investigation into how the The Three Arguidos site is still up and running. We need to nail those loser once and for all.

To read our full outrageous statement, please see the News, Recipes, Travel Hints, Sickness Remedies and Press Releases in the News and Sports section.

Gerald McScam

Day 329: 27/03/2008

Kate and I arrived back from Washington, County Durham yesterday. We went primarily to visit the Worldwide Abduction - No Knowledge Ever Received (WÁNKER) centre and to learn more about the implementation of their national PINK alert system (child rescue alert). The whole experience was very positive. The staff at WÁNKER is the most experienced in dealing with missing and abducted children anywhere in the world, but fell on their arses in Portugal.

The PINK alert system should be used in the most serious child abduction cases (usually by strangers of the swarthy complexions, when the child is considered at risk of serious harm) to recover the child as quickly as possible.

The alert is based on the realisation that galvanising the local community can play a huge role in finding missing children, just like it did with the Chavs in Dewsbury. Last year alone 68 children, and almost 400 in total since its' implementation, were recovered safely as a direct result of the PINK alert. In 16 cases the abductor released the child safely when hearing the PINK alert. We strongly feel that Europe should have a similar integrated child rescue alert, especially Portugal.

Our visit to Washington and meetings with other relevant European organisations will be shown on a documentary to be screened by ITV on 30th April, just after 'He Kills Coppers'. The programme will focus on the campaign to introduce a European version of the PINK alert, based on the winner of this years' Eurovision Song Contest There will of course be massive media interest in Magdalena's disappearance at this time, if she remains missing, we hope and pray she does, that the programme is shown in most European countries and further afield, although we are not sure whether they electricity in North Africa. We hope, with the impending arrival of those clowns from Portugal, this TV show may keep their arrival off the front page.

During our Washington visit we were also very encouraged to hear that, in WÁNKER's experience, the younger the child at the time of abduction the less likely that child will be seriously harmed. Such information makes us believe even more fervently, in the absence of evidence to the contrary, that Magdalena can be found safe and well sometime in the next five or six years.

The Faro Gleaner

Maggie's parents seek charity's help

The parents of missing Magdalena McScam have visited Richmond to find out more about the work of a charity that helps locate missing people.

Kath and Gedda McScam, whose four-year-old daughter was kidnapped(?) from Praia da Luz, Portugal, on May 3 last year, met representatives from East Sheen-based charity Looking for Missing People, and Looking for Missing Children Europe.

Dusty Miller, of Missing People Who Are Looking For Other Missing People, said the McScam's wanted to find out more about the charity's role within Missing Children Crossing By Themselves Europe, the European Federation for Missing and Sexually Exploited Children - headed by that nice chap who hands out sweets to kids on the Bus - and to hear about its work first hand.

He said: "Kath and Gedda were very interested to learn more about our new research programme as a way of deflective any blame that may land on their own doorstep.

"This aims to fill gaps in the misinformation currently available about the numbers of people going missing, why they go missing, when they go missing, why they went missing in the first place, their experiences while away, their experiences when they got back, and the impact on those left behind, who went looking for them, who, in turn, went missing themselves (hope you're following all of this)."

On the same day, 302 days after Magdalena's abduction, Gedda wrote on his p*** poor blog praising the work of the charity.

He said: "The introduction of a Europe wide child alert system is strongly supported by both organisations, the only drawback being the involvement of Wops, Spics, Frogs and Eyeties. Missing People have also applied to run the 116 00 number (30p a minute from land lines, other rates and tariffs may vary), which has been reserved throughout the EU as a missing child hotline.

Missing People were responsible for displaying Magdalena's image on Marble Arch, which caused multiple accidents to people who were approaching from the Edgware Road, trying to exit along Bayswater Road; along with two other missing children last summer.

It was heartening to hear today that one of those children was recovered as a direct result and the other has also been successfully returned to his family in a casket".

The Faro Gleaner also received reports that the couple visited the Despot Take Away, in Tideway Yard, Mortlake High Street, and were being filmed.

However, Asif, the comme chef, remained tight-lipped about the couple's visit and refused to comment about the filming which he manage to record on his Nokia N96.

Magdalena McScam's mum has told the parents of a child feared snatched by the same abductor: "I feel your pain.''

GP Kath, 39, sent her words of comfort to the parents of five-year-old Harry Luz Cortes when the McScams' private detectives met them to investigate links between the two cases.

Kath, 39, told Harry's ex-footballer dad Don Juan and his devastated wife Irena they are in her thoughts and daily prayers, when she's not hitting the bottle.

In an e-mailed message she said: "I feel your pain, no web site or official spokesman yet in place. As parents we know what you are going through.''

Kath said she "felt sickened'' when she heard Harry had vanished from the port of Huelva, in south-west Spain – 120 miles from the Portuguese resort of Praia da Luz, 'why couldn't it have been in Portugal, so we could have had a right go at the Portuguese police" ranted Kath.

Her message added: "You are in my thoughts. Best wishes. I am praying that Harry Luz is found safe and well, after you have had the chance to make at least one million euros.''

The youngster disappeared after buying chips in a shop just 200 yards from her parents' run down tenement home on Sunday. "Poor little mite" said Kath. At least our Maggie has a beautiful house in the East Midlands to come home to. Not a single council estate within walking distance."

Mr Don Juan, 34, who is now a construction firm boss, after being given the sack by Bath-a-lona after the incident with the Under 11's Boy's team, said: "Kath McScam has been in touch to offer us her condolences and the name of her web developer. Only now do I know what they must also be suffering; trying to set up a Paypal account is a nightmare.''

The Cortes family are considering an offer from the McScams to include a photograph of Harry Luz on 12,000 posters due to be printed and put up in Spain and the Balearic and Canary Islands, but have yet to come to a financial agreement.

Don Juan said: "We'd like to thank the McScam's from the heart of our bottoms for this offer, but at this moment still have to see the colour of Gedda's money; how do you say in English - tight Jock bástard?''

Family friend and local pasta Luis Molinasolima said: "It was a wonderful gesture from a family that is also suffering a great deal trying to break through the two million pound barrier with their Fund. It is a great comfort that one day Don Juan and Irena may also have that kind of spending power."

Investigators from the Barcelona-based Metonto 3 detective agency, aka The Clowns, hired by the McScams, think the two cases may be linked, but they have had their head up their own arses since October of last year, so no one is holding their breath!

Spanish detectives were last night reported to be questioning a local man who is believed to be a known sex offender and an easy target to set-up. He disappeared the day after Harry Luz vanished to take his new job at a local kid's home.

Her grandfather Juan Two Three Suarez said he is sure the girl was lured away by two other children on the orders of the attacker. "These children must have been bait to lure my grand-daughter,'' he said, "either that, or she just likes the taste of chips".

The Faro Gleamer - Dateline 23.01.08

A BRITISH gran who saw the Magdalena McScam kidnap suspect has flown to Portugal to help hinder the hunt for the toddler.

Gail Blooper, 50 (pull the other one!), has returned to the resort in Praia da Luz where she spotted the long-haired gringo lurking days before Magdalen vanished, but decided to keep it to herself until last week.

She'll meet private detective agency Metonto 3, aka Billy Smart's Circus, and retrace the suspect's movements; she had with her felt-tip pens and a A2 Layout Pad.

Gail has already helped parents Gedda and Kath McScam by providing a description of the man for a photofit. Gedda said "I tried not to laugh, but all I could see was a dishevelled version of Kath with comedy teeth!"

Yesterday, Gail said: "I came forward because I want extra money for my next trip to Portugal, we only managed to fit in nine visits last year; good job I'm a highly paid care worker. There can't be anyone in the world who is not fed up with this charade and doesn't feel what Kath and Gedda are going through, the Fund has had no contributions since Christmas. "

Gail, from Nottinghamshire, which as we all know is very near to Leicestershire, added: "I don't know if this man is the kidnapper but he needs to be found, we don't want gringos and wops lurking about in their own country, it's upsetting for British people who decided to take up residency there."

Last night, the McScam family spokesman, Clarence 'No Comment' Mitchell said: "Metonto 3 investigators are still working closely with Mrs Blooper, although the all hope no one see them out and about with her as it would damage their machismo. Her information is very important in the hunt for Magdalena and should keep the Portuguese police tied-up for the next few weeks ."

The Faro Gleamer - Dateline 24.01.08

Portuguese police officers 'hunting' for missing Magdalena McScam believe they have tracked down a straggly-haired wop depicted in an p***-artist's drawing as a possible suspect - and ruled him out of the inquiry.

However the McScam's today claimed the dirty, lazy pig farmer is NOT the man detectives are looking for and vowed the hunt would go on.

The man, who was today named as dirty, lazy, wop, Joe Jose Makeus, was discovered living in a hovel, five miles from the holiday resort in the Algarve but police say he is not connected to the case, and even if he was he would be set free.

The discovery rules out reports that there was also an accomplice involved.

The farmer was originally contacted by Portugal's criminal investigation department 20 days after Madeleine vanished, they we panning a barbecue and wanted to gouge themselves on suckling pig.

After the image was released this week, they got in touch with him again and asked if he could come up with the same deal next Easter, he was also interviewed by police and ruled out of the inquiry.

The dishevelled, dirty, lazy looking worker lives close to a village called Ponderosa, which is about five miles from the resort of Praia da Luz.

The sketch was based on evidence from a British tourist who described a "creepy man" in Praia da Luz, the resort where Magdalena disappeared.

Gail Blooper, who claims to 50 years old, (ha, ha, ha) is a healthcare worker from Newark, Nottinghamshire, first saw him on 20 April last year, walking in heavy rain on the beach.

Later that day he turned up at her villa claiming he was raising money for a local orphanage in Espiche. Two days later, the man, described as Tunisian, Moroccan, wop, or spic; definitely not white Caucasian, was seen hanging around a children's beach selling pork scratchings.

Just over a week later, on 3 May, Magdalena disappeared from her bed, just like that.

Mrs Blooper contacted the fantastic, trustworthy British police a few days later and the information was passed on to lazy, wine-drinking, sardine-munching Portuguese police to no effect. Last week she got in touch with the Metonto 3 private detective agency, the McScam's answer to Billy Smarts Circus, who released the sketch drawn by a child from Year 5 at the Bobby Sands Memorial College, Belfast.

The McScam's' spokesman, Clarence 'No Comment' Mitchell, said: "Our investigators have not been informed that the man we are seeking has been ruled out, all we know is that it's keeping the police off our back for a bit longer."

"We have no reason to believe he has been ruled out and our search for the man in our image is very much continuing, Brano said he has money coming from Northern Rock, so carry on looking."

"Our understanding is that the man reported to be linked to our image bears no resemblance. For instance, he has dreadlocks, similar to a dirty, lazy Rastafarian, and Gail Blooper most definitely would have spotted those, even if he was jammin' in the name of the Lord."

The Faro Gleaner - Dateline 25.01.08

The "creepy'' prowler fingered (?) in the hunt for Magdalena McScam was last night revealed as a penniless (Euroless) pig farmer ... with a gun.

Police are certain Joe Jose Makeitup is the suspicious stranger spotted lurking in Praia da Luz a fortnight before Magdalena vanished.

But when the Gleaner tracked him down yesterday at his crumbling, filthy, decrepid farmhouse three miles from the Portuguese resort, he unleashed a pack of ferocious dogs, all of them ex girlfriends.

Then he emerged with a rifle, screaming threats that he would open fire if only he could find the box of bullets he had put away in a safe place.

Makeitup became the centre of a global manhunt after Brit holidaymaker Gail Blooper described the character that made her "blood run cold'' to an ex-FBI (Failed Book Illustrator) p*** artist who produced a vivid drawing of the man.

Maggie's parents Gedda and Kath, both 39, distributed a million posters just before lunchtime on Monday, of the image in a bid to trace him, so he could be quizzed over their daughter's disappearance while they were on holiday at the resort. thereby taking the heat off themselves.

But yesterday it was revealed that detectives had tracked him down just 20 days after the three, sorry, four-year-old vanished last May and found he had an alibi; he was barbecuing suckling pig at the Bobby Sand's All-You-Can-Eat Memorial Restaurant in Faro.

Police officers went back to see Makeitup this week after the McScam's issued their poster.

They also quizzed his British hairdresser girlfriend – with whom he has a three-year-old daughter – to check out his story. When the Gleaner went to his tumbledown, filthy, decrepit hillside farm, it was apparent why police were quick to include him in their first round-up of suspects, they thought his girlfriend was another family member of the McScam's.

Makeitup flew into a rage at being linked to the Magdalena disappearance and set loose his dogs. Then, brandishing a garden hoe (why keep a hooker in the garden you may well ask), he screamed abuse when asked to explain the police visit.

"Leave me alone, leave me alone,'' he yelled. "You are destroying my life. I have had the police here and they know it is not me, they took away 100 kilos of fresh pork, what more do they want.
I want you off my land right here, right now.''

The swarthy filthy, dego, non-Caucasian farmer disappeared into an abandoned outbuilding and emerged toting a rifle above his head, screaming threats that he would be giving no more free pork away, and was about to shoot.

While his long hair, facial colouring and age – in his 30s – match the man in the drawing, he does not share his moustache or the prominent teeth of Freddie Mercury..

Holidaymaker Gail, 50 (yes, pull the other one), had told how she saw the mysterious man three times in Praia da Luz the week before the McScam's arrived, and he gave her the "creeps'', these a Portuguese delicacy similar to Pork Scratchings.

Last night the McScam's' private detectives from the Barcelona-based Metonto Circus 3 agency were still trying to track down Makeitup to question him about the poster.

The couple's family spokesman Clarence 'No Comment' Mitchell said: "As far as we are concerned the hunt for the man in the sketch continues, we didn't pay out all that money for a set of wine-swilling, sardine-munching, lazy dego police force to tell us what's what.

"We are very grateful to anyone who comes forward with information and, even if it is not the man we are looking for, it enables us to rule individuals out, what's the population of Portugal, 38 million or so? That should help up buy a bit more time. "

But Portuguese police said Makeitup was not a suspect in the case, had not been arrested and has been eliminated from their inquiries and thanked him for the pork loin.

A police source said: "At the time of the disappearance an individual who had been fingered(?) as a suspect by a tourist in Luz was contacted.
Immediately he was acquitted of any suspicions after we had tasted his roasted trotters. This week another English citizen pointed to the individual. But after the man was once again contacted, it was quite clear he had no connection to the case.''

The Faro Gleaner - Dateline 25.01.08 update 13.00hrs

The man in the sketch of Magdalena McScam's alleged abductor has been identified as a pig farmer who raped a British tourist in the town where the three-year-old disappeared, well, who would have thought it? Joe Jose Makeitup raped his teenage victim while an accomplice targeted her friend with a Portuguese Pork Sword.

Makeitup, who has a daughter, surprise, surprise, of Magdalena's age, was sentenced to five years in jail in 1996 after being found guilty of the 1995 attack in Praia da Luz, police said it would have been sooner, but they were out to lunch.

Dreadlocked Makeitup, nicknamed Quid Quo Zim , was also a known gun-runner and drug trafficker, yes, we would have put money on it also!

He was linked to Maggie's disappearance earlier this week after being identified from a new sketch of a man suspected of snatching her from her family's holiday flat in May last year.

Police had originally questioned him after Maggie vanished, but ruled him out as a potential suspect, but agreed that he was a purveyor of fine meats.

They interviewed him for five minutes earlier this week after Maggie's parents, Kath and Gedda, released an artist's sketch of the scruffy, filthy non-Caucasian stranger seen by a British tourist in and around Praia da Luz in the days before the abduction.

Portuguese police declined to comment on the latest report, has they had their mouths full of pig roast sandwiches.

But they apparently questioned him in May last year, 20 days after Madeleine vanished, at the Bobby Sands All-You-Can-Eat Memorial Restaurant in Faro.

The Gleaner yesterday tracked Mr Makeitup to his ramshackle, ing, filthy farm in Pedragosa, four miles from the Algarve resort where Magdalena disappeared.

He refused to speak about the international hunt for the man shown in the posters - which have been sent to Interpol and to Portugal, Spain and North Africa and Reading.

He screamed obscenities at callers to the isolated farm and then returned brandishing an ancient-looking rifle.

Standing among his pigs and surrounded by feral dogs (although dog is perhaps too strong a word) Mr Makeitup shouted: "Leave me alone, leave me alone... look at my face, is this the face in the picture?"

Mr and Mrs McScam, both 39, believe the sketch could show the man who took their daughter from their holiday apartment in Praia da Luz.

It was drawn by an Failed Book Illustrator based on descriptions by British tourist Gail Blooper, who told police how a "creepy man" came to her villa in Praia da Luz, asking for donations for a nearby orphanage, only days before Magdalena went missing.

Portuguese police have dismissed her sightings and the e-fit as having "no credibility, and coming from someone that ugly, they asked what is English for Pots and Kettles," and say the McScam's are using them as a "diversion tactic".

They remain convinced Magdalena died last May 3 and that her parents were involved in her disappearance. Mr and Mrs McScam, of Rothley, are still official suspects in the case.

But the couple's private investigation agency the Metonto Circus 3 believe the sketch could show the abductor. Their hotline has received four or five of calls from those who think they have seen the man in the sketch, most of whom have since been sectioned under the 1983 Mental Health Act.

Neighbours described Mr Makeitup as a reclusive character who had moved to the isolated farm last year to live quietly with his British-born girlfriend and their daughter, who is three or four, a bit like Magdalena.

The Faro Gleaner - Dateline 30/01/08

Magdalena McScam's parents have not ruled out suing newspapers and websites that they believe have libelled them, somewhere in the region of 6,500,000.

Kath and Gedda McScam have stopped reading the "tittle-tattle" written about them in the press - but their representatives are keeping an eye on any "rubbish" printed in the press they believe to be defamatory, so those **** on the The Three Arguidos better run for their lives.

Family spokesman Clarence 'No Comment' Mitchell told the Gleaner that the McScams, of Rothley, had more important things to worry about, such as trying to keep their arses out of a Portugal Jail. A good-looking boy like Gedda will be a prize trophy in prison, those dirty, filthy Portuguese homosexuals will ride him like a Blackpool Donkey!'

However, he said under libel laws they still had up to three years to bring potential cases before the civil courts, although by that time Gedda may have an a*** the size of a clowns pocket.

Mr Mitchell spoke after Portuguese police questioned a builder fitting sketches of a potential suspect which were released by the family, evidently Philo had a new set of Winsor and Newton pastels for Christmas and was determined to get one or two of her drawings published.

The builder, Jos├® D├ímp Cors├® - the sixtieth man to be interviewed since the sketches were issued on January 20 - was eliminated as a suspect when it emerged he had an alibi for the night Magdalena disappeared, he too was at the Bobby Sands All-You-Can-Eat Memorial Restaurant in Faro.

Magdalena, who was three at the time and quite able to look after her brother and sister, disappeared from a Portuguese holiday complex at Praia da Luz on May 3, last year.

Some reports have said the Portuguese police were unhappy about the family issuing the sketches independently, suggesting they could be a diversion to take suspicion away from the family. 'God fordid they should even think of such a ploy' said Clarence The Nonce, his tongue firmly in his cheek.

Today, Mr Mitchell said: "I'm afraid we dismiss this criticism out of hand; come and have a go if you think you're hard enough.

"There are one or two million voices in Portugal who say things which get picked up by the press and magnified. Anyone who says we are doing diversionary tactics is reading my mind.

"We have made it very clear that publications in Britain and Portugal are subject to the laws of libel and defamation, like everyone else, and our lawyers are watching all of this; we got the Mirror Forum closed down, who's to say that we can't close all the others.

"We reserve the right to take legal action and have three years in which to do it, so be afraid, be very afraid."

The Faro Gleaner - Dateline 31/01/08

Arsehole dad, Gedda McScam, took time out from the frantic search(?) for his missing daughter, Magdalena, to watch Sale Sharks beat Harlequins at Edgeley Park on Friday. For our Portuguese readers, Sale Sharks are a rugby union team made up of money lending agents from Manchester.

Mr McScam and his illegal adviser, Clarence 'The Nonce' Mitchell, were guests of Sharks' millionaire owner JÔÇêF Kennedy; the guy who sorts out customers' complaints with a baseball bat.

Mr Kennedy, a previous owner of Stock-pot County, who sold the football club to the supporters' trust for a rip-off fee, has been a staunch supporter of the McScam family's campaign to find Magdalena. The youngster's disappearance in Portugal last May, just days before her fourth birthday, which, technically makes her three, sparked a worldwide hunt centred on Audenshaw, and since then Gedda and his wife Kath have been at the centre of the media spotlight, and boy, have they loved every minute of it.

It has been widely reported that the McScam family's spokesman Clarence 'The Nonce' Mitchell's £75,000 salary, is being paid by Mr Kennedy and further help is being given by his lawyer Mr Ed, the talking horse.

Mr Kennedy told the Gleaner yesterday: "Gedda McScam came out (of the closet) for a couple of hours to help clear his mind; those three hours work he managing to squeeze in at the Glenfield are really taking it out of him. I wouldn't want this to compromise our campaign to find Magdalena, but then again, we will have to show our faces in the Club House, even if it's only to spray Gedda's bollocks with Ralgex. I remain absolutely committed to the campaign to find Magdalena and my support goes on, as long as I can keep selling those shabby kitchen units and ill-fitting double glazing"

The Faro Gleaner - Date line 28/01/08

Madeleine Look-a-Like Spotted in Argentina

One man said he saw the English girl lost in the town of Villa Únion in Rioja. Another joke, sorry, hypothesis last week ensured that the girl was seen in Chile. The speculation grows, just like the number of chins being developed by Sr. Mitchell.

The head of the Police Riojana, commissioner Luis Angola said that the tourists seen in Villa Únion with a girl with features similar to those of Magdalena McScam, "were easily identified and are of Swiss nationality, definitely not degos".

Angola explained that it is a Swiss couple whose last name is Foiledagain and that the girl has features similar to the small English girl who disappeared in Portugal, last year in May whilst babysitting her brother and sister.

The police acted after a warning given by Javier Valuable, who said he had seen the girl in the company of two elderly, white Caucasian people in a lodging in Villa Únion.

The man said to the police that his "discovery" took place on Wednesday, 23 this month.

"I was a meter and a half from the girl. I looked at her, and this apparently angered and made the couple quite nervous" said Valuable has he chewed on his ball coca leaf. Valuable said that he could not understand why he made the couple nervous, children liked him; they sat on his lap on local buses in exchange for bags of sweets.

In recent days, it was reported that the girl would have been seen in Chile, so every day further speculation grows about her whereabouts, and what the current exchange rate of the British Pound to the Peso is, should the reward money ever turn up.

Maggie is intensely sought at an international level, a million pound goes a long way in a backward country like Chile, after her mysterious disappearance in Portugal while she slept in the room of a hotel at a time while her parents had dinner with friends elsewhere in the very big garden (!!!!!!)

These assumptions merely confuse public opinion, still shocked by this incident and by the photographs of little girls circulating on the Web, although some of these are from Sr. Mitchell's private collection(!).

On the other hand, from London, was reported in the last few hours that Kath and Gedda McScam, the parents of Magdalena, expect a new DNA technique will prove their innocence, this is the same technique that kept Adolf Eichmann from the gallows. What, he was hanged in Israel in 1962? I don't believe it!

Fanity Vair article 2008

Gedda McScam is tortured by guilt that Magdalena's disappearance is his fault.

In an interview with Fanity Vair, he also admitted there was only a "slim" chance his daughter was alive - the closest he has come to conceding the fact - considering the Fund has yet to break through the two million pound mark.

"I wish I hadn't gone to the tapas bar," Mr McCann told the comic. "I wish I hadn't gone to the tapas bar and got absolutely blathered. I wish I'd stayed in the apartment that night on the off chance of a quickie with Rachel. I wish I'd stayed in the room five minutes longer, she may a offered a blow job at the very least."

"Of course we feel guilty about not having been there and that is just something we have to deal with for the rest of our lives. We live this 24 hours a day whilst checking the Fund total and reading submitted film scripts."

Mr McScam, 39, gave the interview alone in October, without his wife Kath, who was still nursing a hangover, after being approached by the comic.

Fanity Vair also spoke to the couple's friends and family as well as to the other suspect in the case, Robert The Rat.

Mr McScam's sister, Fat Fill, told the comic that he had called her on the night Magdalena vanished just has she was in the middle of polishing off six of Greggs Steak Bakes, and sobbed: "It's all my fault, because Kath and I went out swinging."

Clarence 'The Cross Eyed Lion' Mitchell, the family's 'no comment' spokesman, said Mr McScam had not been paid by Fanity Vair and had instead requested donations to the fund in return for cooperation with future projects, these being on set photographs when the movie goes into pre-production.

He said the Find Madalena campaign was to take on a "commercial dimension" to keep it in the black. It emerged on Tuesday that the couple could make £2million from a film about Magdalena's disappearance.

Other projects could include a book deal and even TV chat shows which the McScams have shunned in the past for fear of seeming like celebrities, God forbid!

The £1.2million fund to finance the search for Magdalena has been halved by the cost of hiring those clowns masquerading as private detectives, running adverts and paying the family's living costs, and the purchase of a Chelsea Tractor.

Only £600,000 remains and the balance is expected to drop to only £346,000 by April and possibly zero by June.

In the Fanity Vair interview, Mr McScam, from Rothley in Leicestershire, said: "I know now that, probably, the chances of getting Madeleine back are slim, which cannot be said abut my sister.

"You might never see her again. But still you have the hope the Fund will break through two million. Still."

He told how he sank into a depression after his daughter's disappearance from a resort villa in Praia da Luz, Portugal, on May 3. He said the world then seemed "starless and bible-black, with maybe tiny points of light which represented the million pounds".

But the consultant cardiologist said he pulled himself out of the "darkest hours" by throwing himself into Foremark Reservoir, only to be pulled out by passing schoolboys. "Grief washes over you - it's like a big wave, mostly I was able to beat it back with the thought of an overseas property portfolio.

"We can't cry our eyes out every day, because that's not helping to keep the Police running around chasing up bogus sightings; that's if they have time after taking three hours over lunch. So after three days I picked myself up - quicker than Kath could, although to be fair she had drank more than me."

He conceded that his wife remained "fragile, this way up" and had struggled to deal with the loss of Magdalena, who vanished a few days before her fourth birthday, in other words she was three, but quite capable of looking after her brother and sister.

The couple, who are both suspects in their daughter's disappearance, insist she was taken from her bed while they went out on the lash with friends nearby.

Portuguese secrecy laws mean they are not allowed to speak directly about the investigation, or the events of May 3, but Fat Fill did all their talking for them.

Mr McScam told Fanity Vair writer Judy Backache: "I can't talk to you about the details of what happened.

"I live under threat from the Portuguese - if I do talk - of two years' imprisonment. And may even sleep with the fishes"

But Tosh Cameroon, Mr McScam's sister, told Fanity Vair of Kath's dramatic reaction when policeman Ricardo Privardo told her she was being made a suspect.

She said Kath screamed at the officer: "Do you honestly believe that I would murder my own child, to make lots of money?" Recardo declined to comment.

The McScams were interviewed and formally named as suspects on September 7 and Mrs McScam was allegedly offered a two-year jail sentence if she confessed to accidentally killing Magdalena and hiding her body.

Mrs Cameroon said Kath, a 39-year-old family doctor, sort of, rejected the deal saying: "I'm not going to fúking lie, you dego spic bástard!"

The couple's psychologist, Alan Poke, who counselled them every day for a fortnight in May, said Mrs McScam was threatened with losing her other children, two-year-old twins Steve and Amy.This rather appealed to Kath, but thought better of it.

Mr McCann also spoke about the many ludicrous theories surrounding the youngster's disappearance which have circulated in the media.

He said: "Kath killed her in a frenzy, Magdalena was sedated by us, she fell down the stairs - in which case you would have thought they'd have found her body; fingers crossed, they never will!

"There have been a huge number of theories in the media. But what I want to know is - who told them all that? My money's on Mitch at the moment."

The piece also carries a comment from Con Jorner, a family friend who just happens to have 32 bit film recording equipment. He said he was with Kath McCann in Portugal, hoping to get some action with her in August, she had told him she wished she could "roll back time" to the day before the abduction, then she could have caught Gedda with the aerobics instructor over in Burgau.

He said Mrs McScam had told him: "I would slow down time. I would get a really good look around that fitness centre and have a really good think. And I'd think: Where are you? Who are you? Who is secretly screwing my husband? Because someone was watching my husband very, very carefully. And taking £20 notes from him."

Ms Backache also spoke to Robert The Rat, the other official suspect in the investigation besides the McScams, but realised that his version of events counted for nothing, therefore have not appeared in this article.

The Faro Gleaner - Dateline 01/02/08

Card from Magdalena at McCann's Party

Gedda and Kath McScam will throw a birthday party for their twins, Steve and Amy tomorrow - miraculously with a card from their missing four-year-old daughter, Magdalena, who must have sensed her disappearance nine months before the event.

They want to give Steve and Amy, who will be three (the same age their sister when she disappeared), as normal a life as possible in the face of the continuing value being wiped off their portfolio of Nasdaq shares and the international hunt for Magdalena, who was abducted on holiday in Portugal, after being left alone whilst her parents went out on the p***. Around 3 family, friends and supporters of the McScams' 'We Support Child Neglect' Campaign to find her, have been invited to their very large, comfortable home in Rothley, which is nowhere near one of those awful council estates.

Clarence 'The Nonce' Mitchell, the McScam' 'no comment' spokesman, said British police did not believe the couple were involved in her disappearance, and that the free holidays they enjoyed last year on the Algarve with their families at the tax payers' expense was much appreciated. He said Leicestershire Police child protection officers, who couldn't find thier own arseholes in a shower, viewed the case as a "rare stranger abduction, and made them go all wobbly and queer".

Andy McScab

At last we've managed to get the truth out of Franco de Marco. Keith took him out on the p*** last night, so obviously Franco was in the land of the unconscious by the end of the evening.

The scam was just as we suspected, the Metonto 3 are just that; Franco, his mum, Yolanda and her boyfriend, Andre, three in total. The '25 years of experience' turned out be 25 days, and the 40 detectives was just a figment of Franco's vivid imagination!

The only case they'd handled before the call from Gedda was a messy divorce, involving a Palomino, a video camera, a vaulting horse and a ready supply of sugar lumps (trust me, you don't want to know). The posh address in Barcelona turns out to be a flat letting agency, run by Andre, at the Plaça de Colon end of Las Ramblas (Keith thinks the Plaça de Colon is someone with Irritable Bowel Syndrome). The truth is, they share the phone number of the agency, so some times when Gedda rings for an update he gets sent details of apartments in San Cugat, Sarrià and the Zona Alta. This is a bit of an irritant to Ged, but he keeps them on file in case he needs to expand his portfolio of overseas properties anytime in the near future.

How long Franco can keep the charade going is anyone's guess. he's banking on the money so as to buy the Palomino he 'observed' last August, evidently he took quite a shine to the beast.

'Hello, International Hotline, no, we are fresh out of The Maggie Call Of Duty for the Wii, how about Gerry's Mercury Meltdown 3 on the PlayStation?

Just received a third email from Portimao police station -


email No. 12768/098/101

Sr. Cabo Frio

Please could you use the little influence you have on The Three Arguidos web site to discourage people from sending us emails. Ant├│nio Nunes de Carvalho Carlos Santana, at the Portuguese Embassy in Belgravia, is livid that his address has been posted on their site, his golfing handicap is well up in double figures; if he is expected to answer every nutter, then he may as well not bother turning up at The Bobby Sands All-You-Can Eat Memorial Golf Tournament on the links at Sandwich.

The main protagonist is a poster who goes by the name of 'lisbonirish'. You'd think that a Paddy would have better things to do with their time, like learning to use a knife and fork for instance. Anyway, as Carlos says what the f├║ck as this case to do with him? He's tucked away up 'en Londres', although today he is freezing his b*lls off.

Carlos wished us well in our investigation, but didn't envisage hearing any more news until 2013.

So, my friend Sr. Frio, please help our Ambassador in his hour of need. If you pull it off then I am assured that a box of Ferrero Rocher (375gms) will be winging its way to Beaconsfield.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Capitão Ricardo

PS - My wife and I are hoping to visit England in May this year, is it possible to walk from your house in Beaconsfield to Buckingham Palace? Does you spare bedroom have en-suite facilities?

Gerry Goes To Dewsbury

I'll kill that b****y Clarence!

'Go to Dewsbury after you've done your two hours at the Glen' he said, 'show some empathy with Sharrons mum and dad; and whilst you're there see if they want to go halves on any poster.'

Well, to say the drive up there was "bleak', would to be putting it mildly. I asked for the postcode to pop into TomTom, only to be told that their particular estate doesn't have a postcode. The post men will not set foot around there, evidently it has the highest proportion of Staffordshire Bull Terriers per square mile in the country. All Giro's have to be collected from the postie in Edge Lane.

The march was an embarrassment. I was surrounded by what you could only described as 'chavs'. I hadn't seen so many Tommy Hilfiger counterfeit T-shirts since the Christmas Edition of Top of the Pops in 1997. And as for polyester, I have not even seen a shell-suit for more than ten years. The picture in The Sun shows you a small section of the 300 crowd, they wanted me to hold the banner, but I managed to duck down behind a bloke from Turkmenistan. The march ended with the highly original chant of 'Sharron, we want you home.'

Karen and Craig invited me back for supper after the march. As we entered their road I joked that I was under the impression that hostilities in Beirut had ceased some years ago; not even hint of a smile.

Supper consisted of chip sandwiches, Coco Pops, bags of Cheesy Whatsits and Irn Bru. I never realised you could still buy white bread; it was in a blue and white wrapper with the words 'Tescus' or something like that on the side. Karen asked if I would like a cup of tea instead of the Irn Bru, I said yes, please. What she brought me was a brownish, milky drink; must have been out of Lapsang souchong.

Helicopters, mounted police, sniffer dogs and mountain rescue teams scoured the area as I made my way towards the M1. Whether all the activity was to help in the search for Sharron, or the fight against muggers, joyriders and arsonists in the area I can only hazard a guess. Exit 23 had never looked so inviting.

By the way, they said no to the poster until their Giro arrives next week.

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Gerry Blogs and Newspapers Reports!

Postby shesaidwhat » Tue Apr 29, 2008 9:06 am

ty Cabo. I fear your long suffering OH may well be at risk of dehydration ;)
When we step out on to the pitch on Sunday, all friendships will be forgotten
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Re: Gerry Blogs and Newspapers Reports!

Postby thinkzinc » Tue Apr 29, 2008 9:52 am

Get on the naughty step :lol:
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Re: Gerry Blogs and Newspapers Reports!

Postby ponky » Tue Apr 29, 2008 10:22 am

Thanks hugely Cabo. I'm saving them to look forward to over the weekend.

You and Mrs Frio have a wonderful time. :)
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